never ever ever ever ever close yourself in a small room and proceed to clean it with harsh chemicals that temporarily disable your ability to see and breathe.
hahaha, I’m so dumb.
and I’m playing it off like a joke, but no seriously I’m in so much pain.
…so dumb -__-

I feel like tumblr is probably terrible for me… haha especially considering the fact that I already talk to myself all the time. I’m just perfecting the art I guess? :P

Geez, I need to make some friends.

I love the fact that I can just post whatever and not have to care. I like being able to vent to something. Something other than people, cause I don’t wanna put this stuff on them/it’s uncomfortable to admit to someone how dumb and emotional and blah I feel sometimes haha, ‘cause I know I sound stupid and ridiculous and I absolutely hate it. But at the same time, I kinda wish somebody knew that I was dying inside.. I’ve kinda isolated myself and I don’t like showing my feelings —especially when I’m upset or hurt. I don’t like sympathy from people because I don’t believe it’s genuine, but I promise that if you ever need someone I’ll be there for real and it won’t be fake. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty lonely and depressed, not really having too many people to talk to. I’ve had nice conversations with people I wouldn’t have thought I ever would, and I’m thankful for that. I guess I just really don’t like where I’m at, I would LOVE to be happy and cheerful and diligent in my work and uplifting to everyone around me and just genuinely enjoying life and all that God has given me but like… idk I’m still stuck in this kind of in between, where I know I’m supposed to be going somewhere and doing something for a purpose but I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing or where or when or why and I’m trying to figure it out but I don’t know how… I’ve been praying alot and trying to work on myself and let God fix up a bunch of crap inside of me.. I’ve been acting selfish and obnoxious lately and I really don’t like it and I really don’t know how it happened.. and I also haven’t really had a whole lot of opportunities to use my gifts and be encouraging to others lately and maybe it’s because I haven’t been seeking as much as I used to, and so maybe that’s something I need to work on…

There’s constantly so much going through my head that I can never focus. It never stops and I just wish it would. I can’t stand these headaches, they’ve been dying down alot more lately though, I guess I’ve been a little more relaxed. But it stinks ‘cause as soon as I stress out, they come pounding back… Idkkkk

I wonder if everyone else feels like this too. Like all of my friends, and I just don’t know it. I have no idea… I’m just gonna drink a V8.